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9/18/2007

Accomodating me

My uncle and aunt whom I’ve been staying with since I came to Lagos for my I.T. have been so nice and I planned on doing this entry just about them to describe how nice they have been.

But as I type this, I do it with a sprained left thumb… I think the kids have made a case for themselves to be included, I have gotten the message (ouch!) and I will talk about them too.

Now back to my uncle and aunt. You know how people say that when you experience good luck for so long, bad luck is on its way. That’s the way I feel right now. These my relatives have been soooooooooooo nice, I constantly feel it’s about to end.

I think I’ve dilly-dallyed long enough. What exactly is “nice”?

How about the fact that the only work I do in their house is…em, let me see… wash the mug I use for tea in the morning and that is when I’m not in a hurry to leave.

I rarely make my bed (the kids undo my effort within the hour, so don’t blame me),

I don’t fetch water (I used to but found out I could get away without doing it, me I no be suffer-head),

I don’t wash plates (Yes I know I said I wash my mug but mugs aren’t plates; are they?)

I don’t wash clothes…OK, you got me there; I do but only my clothes,

I don’t cook (That one is for their own good),

I don’t sweep, clean, change babies nappies (There are no babies and no nappies),

I don’t wash bathrooms, rock anybody to sleep, sing lullabies

I don’t climb trees to pluck mangos for anyone, make brooms from palm fronds, plant tomatoes, nothing.

Name it, I don’t do it.

Apart from that, they are so generous with food, money, name it. I know that in many homes you dare not go near the pot if you aren’t a member of the family. Here, I’m not only encouraged to go near the pot, I’m also pushed, from time to time to put stuff in it. I strongly resist the push (bread will do when I’m hungry)

Also, as an I.T. student, I get a small stipend from my employer which is big enough for me to be considering taking that blip-on-my-radar out (my big date still hasn’t happened, don’t worry, when it does you’ll know. NEPA would give light you for the rest of that day). As I was saying, my stipend is large enough to take care of me, my transport, feeding, credit, the occasional gala, chewing gum money etc yet my uncle gave me some extra the other day.

Infact, I’m treated like a celeb/aje-butter here. I mean, to the extent they give me rice and stew in different plates. Now that doesn’t happen even at home in Warri.

But the kids…

Before I go on, let me categorically state that I love children. So you can let all ya kids come around me. Nothing go do dem. I promise. (two fingers crossed behind my back)

But then, there are children and there are cHiLdReN. My cousins can be summarised this way: “I hope I wasn’t that way when I was their age”.

They are rough, have little respect for other people’s property, ignore all instructions below 6 repetitions, they see dirt as good (Omo detergent, una don see wetin una cause? Sorry my peeps in jand may not understand, Omo detergent has this advert like this where they “see dirt differently”). Back to the children… they take privileges as rights, are polite only when they want something from you, love to touch my things, the other day day, they took turns in pouring my cheap perfume on themselves, one of them broke my padlock to get to my earphones, they run into the bathroom and lock it just as I’m about to use it, some still bed-wet and my bed is seriously endangered whenever I don’t sleep in their house

Now, don’t get me wrong, they love me but to them, to love is to punch, slap, jump on, pinch, bite (I mean, the youngest, a girl, bites my butt, my fully-clothed butt though, for fun. Imagine!!!). And they can yab ehnn… I’ve been called gorilla, idiot, orobo (Their neighbour, a similarly pesky kid, started that one). I’ve been asked if I was mad, crazy, whether I went to school, and don’t be fooled by our being Igbo, the yabs know no ethnic boundaries.

Some things they do make me wonder, others make me smile and comot my cap for parents especially mothers that have to tolerate this from their children for God knows how long.

To mothers, you got all my hugs and kisses. To my aunt, you’re the best. To my uncle, I got your back anytime. I’ll be rich really soon and I must reciprocate. Your kids will be welcome in my crib anytime. To my cousins, Ebube my thumb is still paining me, if it lasts longer than 2 days, I’ll tell your mum… no, your dad (wicked smile on my face). Somto, your addiction to TV will put you in trouble. To Amara, stop biting my butt. I don’t enjoy it as much as you. And the three of you, DON’T CLIMB MY BED, DON’T OPEN MY WARDDROBE, DON’T TOUCH MY COMPUTER OR PHONE, YOU’LL COMPLETE THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM WHEN I DECIDE YOU COULD, NO, YOU CAN’T FOLLOW ME TO AKOKA, AND YES, I MEANT IT WHEN I SAID I WASN’T GETTING YOU ANYMORE SWEETS.

P.S. I know most of you blogonians will start thinking I’m lazy. I am, I am, I am. It’s the way forward. All the lazy peeps in da house put ya lighters up. Oya. Where my lighter? Ebube!!! Somto!!! Where’s my lighter???



Awwww, Aren't they just so cute and harmless??? Don't be fooled by that, my friends. One of these "cuties" here is my butt-biting cousin and the other is the pesky neighbour that calls me Orobo. Can you guess which is which?



28 comments:

Ejura said...

I hope you'd even have a butt when you are ready to leave your uncle's. Copy J'LO and have it insured just incase. Kids do have a way of making life interesting. so that dog doesn't look real abi?

♥♫♪nyemoni♫♪♥ said...

Awwwwwwwwwww, how sweet! I'm sure I cant guess which is which cos they both look alike...but my bro...you for try do small work for house now? Trust me, they'll appreciate you more...I for one can't satnd lazy (sorry) people! True word o!

UndaCovaSista said...

Awww, what a lovely post. Your aunt and uncle sound like really nice people, and well, kids will be kids.

I agree with Nyemoni, you should insist on helping out more even if they say they dont want you to...Think of it as a way of showing the appreciation you clearly feel.

Unknown said...

LOL!!!

SO FUNNY!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

An-Igbo-Dude said...

Finally, someone lazier than i am. Atleast i try pass you small.i have to tell CHWEETY, she would be happy i am not the laziest man alive.Thank you for saving me.

you are lucky ur cousins wont read you blog, i can bet you they would do worse than they have been doing

exschoolnerd said...

omigosh..i thot this post was just tew tew funny...see how the terros look so cute!

i think the one on the left is the butt pincher and the other one calls u orobo..am i right?

meanwhile try and be less lazy!!!

Afrobabe said...

lol...cute little monsters...
your uncle and aunt sound like really good people...

bighead said...

@ejura: insurance don't remove the possibility of damage. it justmeans you'll be paid big money in the event of damage.

@nyemoni & undacovasista: will take your advice. will start with plates, water and tidying up my room from this evening.

@an ibo dude's corner: yeah they can't read but even if they could, nothing dem fit do. i big pass all of them combined together. I'm going to stop being lazy v.soon thanks to advice from nyemoni and undacovasista; so you can stop rejoicing now.

@exschoolnerd: u seem to have quite a talent in identifying these kids. o! i remember one of your previous posts

@geisha: they are both girls o!

bumight said...

your folks seem like reaaaaal nice people, those kinda people are rare, enjoy it while it lasts, and don't push it! lol!

DB said...

hey bighead, you are lucky you don't live in my house, aje butter ko, aje butter ni!!!
at my place it's help out or get out- even if you are bill gates.

and yes am back. missed you lots!!!

Waffarian said...

hello big head, abeg, bros, no vex, i just wan leave small message for here, i hope say u go join us, e be like say dis ya big head get plenty yarns


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Afolabi said...

nice, this is very reminiscent of my time back in nigeria, when we were kids and we would have cousins come over, damn!! we were nice and also rude to them. I dunno why, but we just didn't know our boundaries, but you know the funny thing is that now I'm older and I go live with my other relations, their children are actually nice to me.

badderchic said...

beats me, they both look the same way to me. lol. bet you love em senseless tho.

princesa said...

I thoroughly enjoyed this dude!
lol@ ur butt biting lil'coz. The kids look adorable.

Like everyones's said already,even if they dont say it, am sure you will be appreciated lots more if you help out a bit more. Try washing ur sweet uncle's car every morning, am sure that 'extra' he dashed you the other day will be lots more next time(the money for dat ur BIG DATE,lol).

I found this particularly funny too:
" i don’t climb trees to pluck mangos for anyone, make brooms from palm fronds, plant tomatoes"
Did you do that back home???

bighead said...

@bumight: Thanks for the advice.

@eccentric nana: Welcome back. My friends say Awoof dey purge belle. You say you missed me? You've made my day.

@afolabi: and to think I was nice to the ones that came to my house. Anyway, I'm loving the harrasment and almost look forward to it when I'm coming home from work. Infact, by the time it ends, I'll probably miss it.

@badderchic: I agree they love me. (Who doesn't, lol). They just have a different way of showing it.

@princesa: at warri, I sometimes have to pluck grapes for my mum (and everyone else) but I do it with a stick. (Ever climbed a grape tree with thorns and all). I've climbed the mango & guava trees once or twice but that must be over 5 yrs ago. I've made brooms but that must be about 10 years ago. I've never planted tomatoes but I guess I've planted other stuff. Does this answer the questions?

AMAZONIA said...

that was a lovely post.. and they do look quite harmless..

Unknown said...

Big head?lol.Nice name, nice blog,saw ur blog name on Lindaikeji's blog.Interesting!

Carlang said...

Lol.
i realate with you bro.
I;ve got nephew and nieces who most of the time mistak me for santa claus.
Take out the paunch.
The beard and mooustache too. Thank you very much...
Top up the joviality and carefree spirit.
Ta daaa!!
That who i;m supposed to be..

Now who i really am...

Has anyone seen the grinch?

Unknown said...

lol
nice blog

Obinwanne said...

nawa oohhh...u are in for a big one with the kids....but they're always fun to be with....and for your aunt and uncle...maybe they're just int hat fer % of good people dont always things something bad comes after nice.....nah....sometimes it can all be good and good all the way....believe me i promise you...its ur own good time to try and enjoy it and remember you have promised as well to reciprocate it...and he has children that might come seeking for ur help tomorrow,,,,,dont u dare rubbish them ooooo???????/ good post...take time to stop by my internet home::::::::::::::;

Mrs Somebody said...

These two sweet looking cuties are very harmless.Bighead admit it now.....you made this story up didn't you?(LOL).

bighead said...

@qui c'est moi and mrs somebody: believe me, she fools me too sometimes especially when she hugs me with those tiny arms but give her 30... no, 20 mins and she'll either punch my stomach or try to use (misuse) my computer or mp3 player behind my back.

@ofunne and mystoriesmytestimony: thanks for the compliment. I means a lot to me.

@obinwanne: I'm naturally nice. And will keep my word.

@carlang: You mention of santa claus makes me imagine what would happen if santa came around...em...they would make him resign... and leave without his beard

Femme said...

its nice to have such relations. they can be few and far between.
im great with kids but im sure if they are as bad as u say, id be pinching them secretly .

princesa said...

Big head oya update!

bighead said...

@femme: I tried that when I couldn't take it anymore. When I pinch back, they assume I'm playing and the cycle continues.

Joy Akut said...

hey big head...those kids look too cute to be mean....i dont see those little mouths biting butts or mocking, you should be ashamed of yourself, using them to get sympathy...liar liar pants on fire...lol'...(the smiles actually look cute in a dennis the menance way)

Femi Adeyemi said...

cute kids..nice stories...havent been around in a while...starcomms internet is so fucked and messes me up..
quite late, have to run now
happy independence day...

bighead said...

@fantasy queen & the genius within: eyaa. they've fooled you too? don't worry, its not so bad, they did me too...at first :-)