Me, the next shakepeare?

This was a drama series I was working on in the past but never got around to going further than this. Then, I was trying to imagine what it was like in Aro Sock in the OJB days, here’s what I came up with:

Akitu: (strolls into osabanjo’s office, dragging his feet) Gunners for life!

Osabanjo: I don tell you, one day me and you go get wahala onto this arsenal matter. (whistles) glory, glory man united…

Akitu: anyway leave that matter for now. Did you watch the last episode of Gardener’s daughter?

Osabanjo: Nope, no light.

Akitu: Gen nko?

Osabanjo: No fuel.

Akitu: You for just travel go UK that evening talk say you wan go see Blair afterall the country is already used to that. They’ll believe anything you say.

Osabanjo: E be like say your head no correct. Who you dey try insult? Anyway, to be honest, I actually considered that one but they don’t show Gardener’s daughter in UK.

Akitu: See ehnn make I tell you, its not beans working this number of years with you. I can predict all your next moves including this third term nonsense you are thinking of.

Osabanjo: I swear to you before God and man that I have no such plans.

Akitu: (takes notes that in his diary, secretly wishing his voice recorder had been switched on). I hear we are supposed to have a meeting with that smart new guy you hired in the CBN.

Osabanjo: (sighs) He was the one that requested it. You know say me I no send all these school boys. He should be here any minute.

Akitu: If you no send am why you hire am?

Osabanjo: Can’t you see that people are seeing through this farce we call government. We should give them faces that’ll make them think we are serious.

Akitu: How many do these stupid Nigerians want sef? We’ve given them Ojonko and that NADFAC woman; it seems they want the whole cabinet to be full of smart people. How can we maintain our status as a PDP government in the face of all this.

Osabanjo: (laughing) Forget say I dey laugh O! This is really not funny but I’ve always been smarter than all of southern Nigeria put together. I fooled them in the 70’s and I can and will do it again.

Akitu: By the way, it seems I’m getting more newspaper coverage than you. I beat you in THISday, Guardian and Punch. You won in Sun. Anyway, considering that I’ll be the next president of the country, that is to be expected.

Osabanjo: (Rolls on the floor laughing) What did you say last? (more laughter) did you say “next president” please crack another joke.

(knocks on the door)

Akitu: My friend, get up. You’re making a fool of yourself. I think Sodulo is at the door. He already sees you as a joke but me as the next president. I don’t want to be seen as participating in your foolery.

Osabanjo: (gets up and continues laughing). Did someone just say “foolery”? (claps enthusiastically) My guy, that’s the biggest word you have used since you entered office. Where did you learn it?

Akitu: Unlike you, I have fuel in my Tiger gen and I just got DSTV. I saw that one on E! channel.

Osabanjo: You watch E!? Wonders will never…

(more knocks and Amhadu Alki strolls in)

Alki: Gunners for life!

Osabanjo: This is definitely a coup. Where are the guns and where is the general? Which reminds me, those generals don overstay for office. They should be removed. Alki abeg, handle that matter.

Alki: Me? Since when did I get that kind of promotion? To be hiring and sacking generals? When you would not allow me put just my Wife, Son, Mother and Sister as board chairmans. I no do!

Osabanjo: You think I don’t know that a good number of your “men” are running things. Until I cut their wings na when your eye go shine. Do what I’ve told you before I get annoyed.

Akitu: If…

…to be continued (don’t wait for it)