Choosing what to wear to work today was tricky business. The dilemma started last night when NEPA didn’t restore the power they “seized” in the morning and there was every likelihood it wouldn’t be restored by the next morning, making it impossible to iron. And trust NEPA to justify paranoia; I woke this morning to darkness. My what-to-wear dilemma was further complicated by the following:
1. I was limited to clothes that could be worn without ironing
2. The fact that I don’t have as many pairs of jeans as I would have loved (who does anyway?)
3. I was supposed to see my BIG CRUSH this week and would have wanted to reserve one of my more better-looking outfits.
4. I would be sleeping…erm (coughs)…working overnight at the office tonight so I needed to wear something comfortable enough to work and sleep in… and trousers that won’t get dirty easily (or least, make the dirt no show) so I just have to carry only a spare shirt.
5. Tomorrow, I’ll be going out and I gat to look presentable enough. I’m sleeping at the office, remember? So I’ll have to carry the shirt I plan to wear.
See my problem? Rocket Science abi?
After sleeping over the problem, I made a decision, had my morning devotion, took my bath, cleaned my teeth, had breakfast and looked at my watch…
Wow! I had 15 minutes to spare before my usual departure time. I was overjoyed. You won’t understand but when you tumble out of bed with 45 minutes to get ready for work for about a week and end up forgetting to pray or carry your phone or take a bath on a couple of days, you’ll know what I’m talking about (I’ve never “forgotten” to take a bath yet O!).
So here I am rejoicing on the inside and thinking, “what can I do with a good 15 mins?”, my youngest cousin wakes up and is trying hard to jump on my back. Trust me naaa, I’m doing a great job keeping her off. From this point on, I’ll utilise a timeline in my narration.
15 mins to go: That’s we are abi? I decide to send a text message.
11 mins to go: I’m through with the first message and decide to type another.
6 mins to go: I’m through with messaging cos I’m almost out of credit and for want of something else to do, I decide to sit in the parlour and wait it out.
5 mins to go: I’m all relaxed wondering when I’m going to see this radar-blip and thinking up possible opening lines: Here are some of the best lines I thought up: “Hey, how are you doing? You look…” Sorry, that’ll be all for that trailer. Hold the thought for a few days and I’ll tell you what I actually said. Now, where was I with my timeline?
4 mins to go: My butt is feeling cool…
3 mins to go: “cool” is a little cooler than usual and maybe a little wet.
2 mins to go: I’m sure my butt is wet. I dismiss it as sweat.
1 min to go: Na wah o! This one wet pass sweat O! It has to be water, blood or piss. I start praying.
0 mins to go: I jump up. The bottom of my shirt is soaked. Same as my jeans; the same pair that took me at least 8 hours to decide on. Upon a little investigation, I find out that one of my cousins started his night on that chair and took a piss there before migrating to the room.
5 minutes later: I’m running to catch up with the neighbour I hitch a ride to work with; wearing a different shirt and pair of jeans. She has been waiting for a while. I settle in her car, panting… and thanking God that she waited for me and that I found other clothes to wear and then…
…I feel some more moisture in my boxers. I smile to myself wondering if all that piss came from 1 child and let it dry.
30 comments:
chei!!!
this man
na piss u piss for body so?
hehehehehe
those ur cousins are something else.
i just hope r not blaming them for wetin them no do ooo *wink*
@ibo dude: The last time i checked, when men piss on themselves, it shows in the front not the back so it couldn't be me :-D
LOL!!!
so you've never 'forgotten' to take a bath... therefore, by deduction, u have intentionally taken the same decision...
@geisha: (rubs chin, wondering whether to come clean, pun unintended). You're smart. I have intentionally made that decision more times than I can remember. I hope I don't have to do same tomorrow. Bathing at the office is a complicated procedure I'll go into some other day.
hahahaha! You are tew funny o! LOL..so how did the night at the office go?
The night at the office starts in 2 hours, 25 minutes, 38 seconds...
chineke....ran here when i noticed it was posted today to post " am first first first"...only to see no 9...cheeeewwwwww let me go and read jare...
lololololol......a little piss perfume will go a long way in making your day oh....lolol just love those little monsters...
piss perfume??? Is that a new fad? Something J'lo may have done that we'll like to emulate?
Hay matey! Thanks for the birthday wishes! God bless!
lololo.. so I'm not the only one caught out, u get warra I mean.. lol..
awwww poor you! I feel bad for you eh!!!
Funny blog
i love those kids
*wink*
HA! Story of my life. u c dis is wat am saying. All tings conspire to make me late. its sad o! Dis morning i woke up early 2 be late (again).
but those ya cousins sef. HABA!
lol, so men's piss only shows in the front, another discovery. Seriously I can help but laugh after you thought you were early and had 15mins to spare but ended up 5 mins late, na wa.
@the life of a stranger called me: I don't get o! Abeg explain.
@naijadude: thanks for the compliment. it keeps me blogging.
@ibiluv: its easy to love them when you are not looking at a pile of dirty clothes plus a pair you didnt wear for more than 30 minutes
@ibilola: i feel yu sis, i do. but most of the time, i sleep late, wake late, hitch my ride late but arrive work on time.
@princesa: This brings back the whole me-against-my-body battle. My nerves come late to work (Maybe they have cousins like mine) So in the morning, I'm usually working with the night-shift guys who are probably very tired (notwithstanding that they slept thru the nite)
@30+: You can imagine my surprise when I found out that the piss-showing-in-front thing wasn't the norm for women.
hahaha!
That pickin show you, eh? It is amazing how much pee kids can produce.
Funny story!
big head, it possible for a man to piss on him self and d pee shows at the back - it will if u are tucked in.
*wink*
Big head u try o
Dere r days dis 5.30am biz to leave house de tire me. i av emergency clothes on d hanger ready to remedy a nolight morning but den it fit look like repetition for office but i no send as e beta say i wear cloth as opposed to say i no wear. By d way u still meet ur crush? (wide smile)
LOL. I always marvel at the amount of urine that the bladder of child can hold. You would think with smaller bladders that they would piss less. How very wrong....
eeyah
which child is dripping bladders all over the place?
kai! Children ehn! The things they can do to full grown men. This post has me laughing really hard.
Aya! Those your cousins are fun!
Imagine letting out all the pee on you! Maybe she was marking territory the way animals do [no offense intended].
Happy indepedence day!
LMAO!!! The piss thing, that was just too hilarious!! It's actually happened to me before. And as per the whole NEPA and ironing thing...shey you never tried that very razz method where you fill a glass bottle with hot water...?
Lol.
Sorry chap.
I;m a firm believer in the laws of murphy.
anything that can go wrong will...
so basically...
it could have been worse.
Nepa?
I'm trying to organize a strike. Lets all abandon them..
see if they survive without us!!
WHo is with me?
You nyemoni?
femme?
piss boy.. i mean big head?
lol @ femme...tucked in indeed...
Our four abi na fore fathers said small child piss is a blessing...
@femme: I still don't get. How come you have "so much" experience with this thing???
@nikkisab: everyone at work already knows half my wardrobe by heart plus the things i combine and those i don't. By the way, make yu always wear cloth o! I no wan hear long story. And about BIG CRUSH, as at the time you asked, we hadn't hooked up; but now we have. a post about it is on the way.
@atutu: I piss pass that kid o! 4get that one. but at least i do it in the right place ;-). by the way, have you seen this movie (can't remember the name) where some priests were trying to exorcise some demon-possessed kid and at a point, the kid gets up and pisses for a couple of minutes. One of the priests had to exclaim, "How could he hold so much in him?..." This reminds me of that movie
@catwalq: na my cousin o! but its his right. he's a child.
@ejura: for now, the only person allowed to mark me as territory is BIG CRUSH and i no go even gree make she piss on me. kai!
@rayo: i've never heard of that one o! I know about putting the clothes under the bed the night before and using a stove to heat a spoilt iron but hot water and bottle... which secondary school you go sef?
@carlang: lol @ "anything that can go wrong will..." as for a strike against NEPA, e be like say una transformer do spoil throway so yu won't feel the effect of a strike. me, i would o! but if we can do it, lets do; i'll only be sleeping in the office where there's constant gen and blogsville!
@afrobabe: first piss perfume, now blessing. what next? piss flavoured wine? abeg o!
@everyone wishing happy independence, same to you. but lemme ask, is there anything really "happy" about the kain independence?
When i hear small small pickin dem dey rap English like this, i dey shame and wish i hadn't gone to the uka-akra school like i did. You write really well. Keep it up
@florida: Small pikin??? Who???
I go kpako school as well but I had to learn to write when I was dreaming of going abroad for uni and had to write ALL THOSE ESSAYS. I still don't think I write that well. I guess they say practice makes perfect sha so keep spilling your entries
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