This 'Blip' on my Radar

This entry may earn me a “jew man” rating but I must still talk my mind. I’ve been dropping hints over my blog about this new “blip” that showed up on my radar. I met her (Yes, her…don’t tell me, did you really think I had a radar device at home? Of course I was referring to a gurl) at SAT lesson back in 2003. She was doubtless one of the “hottest” (I think its pronounced haaaat-est) there and she was brilliant too. Me, I was fresh out of all-boys school, I really couldn’t care less.

But that was then…

Our ways parted after the lesson which didn’t yield fruit for me; I’m still in Naija (and Naija rocks!!! Bosun, Osita, Emeka take note. I still jealous una small sha.) The yankee thing didn’t work for her (the radar-blip, remember?) either but we went to different schools.

I’m on I.T now and somehow we re-established contact on phone, yahoo IM and facebook. But I want more.

I want to “hook up” again, I don’t think she minds either but thinking about it, I’ve come to realise that “hooking up” and “hanging out” when I’m in school which is in the middle of nowhere and when I’m in Lagos are 2 totally different matters. In school, with 1k in your pocket, you could give a friend a great time and still have change.

Not so in Lagos.

For that to happen here, you and the kain friend must jump molue together, eat minimally at a cheap fast food joint and you must be ready you haggle with expertise and everyone. Pause. Let me define “minimally” here so I can be sure we are on the same page:

Meat Pie + Coke,

Doughnut + Icecream,

Fruit Juice (you will both have to share that),

Your friend could have chicken while you sit and watch Channel O (Under the pretext, "I'm not really hungry, you go ahead and have what you want")

I believe y’all get the idea.

My dad might have gotten away with that when he was dating my mum but these days the standards have been raised. Abi no be so?

With the help of a few advisers, I carefully analysed my options and the cinema made a good case for itself.

But even with that settled, the worrisome issue of transportation pops up (back at school, Okada will always suffice). I don’t have a car, my folks stay in faraway Warri and I don’t have enough “liver” to borrow one so I’m left with the cabbing option. All that settled, I played out the scenario in my mind. Here’s what I came out with:

-I bus to that far end of Lagos where she stays one Saturday morning

-By the time I get there, I'm sweating my butt off

-Apocrine glands are complaining (for those of you who stabbed dem biology classes, those are the guys residing in your armpit and other similar highbrow locations that produce your PIO – Personal Identification Odour)

-They can’t tolerate Nivea’s colonial rule anymore and start to rebel (funny smell)

-We both enter a cab to VI (big money)

-Watch a movie (bigger money)

-I might have to tell her to bring ID card for student price (big mess up)

-I buy snacks (small food)

-We watch a movie and she likes it and doesn’t want to be distracted so we can’t talk (so what was the whole point?)

-After that she enters cab

-And goes home

-I forgot to add... I pay

-If I’m lucky (and my bank account, unlucky) she says she had a good time and that we should do this again next week

-Next 2 weeks, a different big boy comes with tight ride and does same

-And he doesn’t ask her to bring school ID.

How u check am?

A friend suggested the beach. I think that’s cool and all but the cost seems unchanged. This cheapskate big head is almost officially at a loss of ideas. What do you think?